Zen Guide To Life |
Some good advice on how to live our lives: Do not walk behind
me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either,
just f---off and leave me alone.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan
belt and a flat tyre.
The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to
steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Sex is like air. It only
becomes really important when you aren't getting any.
Don't aspire to become irreplaceable.
If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Remember, no-one is listening until you
fart.
Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.
Never test the depth of
the water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing
a couple of mortgage payments
If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.
Give a
man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink
beer all day.
Have you ever lent someone $20 and never seen that person again? It was
probably worth it.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Some
days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreen.
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the
first time.
Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad
judgment.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your
pocket.
There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one
works.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving.
Never
miss a good chance to shut up.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you
need it.
When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our arse. From
there on in, life gets worse.
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